Episode 5: Lover Come Hack to Me

Episode 5: Lover Come Hack to Me

Original Airdate: June 21, 1989

Written By: Michael McDowell

Directed By: Tom Holland

Starring: Amanda Plummer, Stephen Shellen, Richard Eden, Lisa Figus

Is there any more romantic and joyous time in life than marriage? Reportedly, marriage is the happiest time for two people in the history of human development. And though not every exchange of nuptials turns out for the best, we are led to believe that only good things can come from the union of two kindred spirits in love. That is, if they're really in love and not out for something else. 

Peggy (Amanda Plummer) and Charles (Stephen Shellen) are headed to their honeymoon as any two lovebirds would be in the countryside. Aunt Edith (Lisa Figus) has her objections however, and is quick to claim that Charles is only married to Peggy for her inherited fortune and not her mouse-like personality. Charles abruptly cuts Edith off and begins the long road ahead with the intent of spending a romantic week together with his new bride. And of course, a gun in the glove box. 

"Must be a wedding present from old Aunt Edith." -Charles

The truth is both Peggy and Charles are having a hell of a first night together. The gun in the glove box? Neither knows how it appeared, and the driving rain storm in front of them has made driving to their destination a near impossibility. What's more, Charles' attempt to seek out shelter reveals a rustic mansion in the distance. Though he left Peggy in the car during his search, he returns to another mystery: the keys have gone missing. What to do, what to do? 

Charles and Peggy attempt to find help in the mansion, but it would appear as if nobody is home...that is...until Peggy discovers a key under the front stoop that had conveniently been left for them. In the realm of odd coincidences and honeymoon turbulence, this recent string of events has to fall on the instant psychosis end. Though the house is poorly maintained from the get-go, some rooms remain in a pristine state, right down to the massive axe hanging over the mantle. 

"Was this put here for us?" -Peggy

"Lover Come Hack to Me" explores the depths of suspense and trust in a format intended to be as innocent as possible: Holy Matrimony. Both Peggy and Charles are spinning their wheels with one another and are easily leagues apart in communication and chemistry. But while what keeps them together would tear other couples apart, it is the sense of impending doom for one, if not both of them, that keeps the viewer entertained.

The story doesn't play out as traditionally as some of the flash and pizzazz episodes of Tales from the Crypt in later seasons. In fact, it is as slow moving and methodical as could be. As the time passes within the story, we wonder who is out to destroy who in this obvious case of love gone astray. Peggy's introverted, unsure personality is matched only by a timid and reserved stance on her personal preservation (translation: she's a virgin). Charles has played the field and is obviously disconnected from the love of his life, yet he's compassionate and manipulative enough to disguise it in front of her very eyes.

Michael McDowell's screenplay is exactly what you'd expect from someone who made a living on 30-minute thrillers, and it delivers thanks to some intelligent direction from fully-entrenched actor/director Tom Holland. What follows is a deceptive web of lies from both parties that leaves you wanting less and less of their love and more and more of their implosion.

"You're not really attracted to me, are you?" -Peggy

Changing scenes (and rooms), Peggy and Charles light a fire and begin to explore the house (and each other). Despite their reservations that the other may not be as pleased in this partnership as they'd hoped, they do reconcile to consummate the marriage in the master bedroom up the stairs. Despite the state of the majority of this dilapidated two-story, both the fireplace and bedroom are in absolute readiness for a night of "perfect" romance. And that word; "perfect," finds it's way into the lexicon all to familiarly. 

Charles' idea of perfection seems to be keeping the pistol he discovered in his car on the nightstand, and not just for protection. Peggy's idea of perfection? A wildly seductive makeover that is sure to arouse his senses (among other things) for her very first time. He may not be pulling his punches with an attempted murder plot, but she isn't either with her newly-found lingerie and continued use of that phrase: "Perfect." 

"I'm not gonna let time spoil our love." -Peggy

Sex is only the beginning of Charles' transformation from pain to pleasure. As the night passes and Peggy ensure him that they've made a child with their first act of carnal intercourse, Charles begins to see visions inside the house that make him realize he's not alone. In fact, he awakes in the late hours to discover another couple entering the house in a wild craze to please one another. Only problem is, the woman in this scenario is Peggy as well.

Stricken, Charles laments that even if she's cheating on him, he can still murder her for her money since the marriage was legitimate from the beginning. Though Peggy and her new beau Allen are seemingly and incomprehensibly aware of Charles' presence, they hump like wild rabbits before Charles discovers the shocking truth. What he's seeing isn't Peggy's infidelity, it's Allen's execution. The flashback being broadcast to Charles' eyeballs concludes when he realizes that this was how Peggy's mother conceived her, and also murdered Allen with the axe on the mantle.

When Charles approaches Peggy with the topic, she reveals that she plans to do the exact same thing. Though he attempts to shoot her with the pistol, he failed to load it before bedtime, indicating to a deranged Peggy that Charles really did love her after all. He wouldn't have had the gross audacity to shoot her without being blinded by his "love," so the perfect marriage can stay intact as Charles takes several mortal lops from the axe-wielding wife. As the sun rises, Peggy reunites with Aunt Edith so the cycle can begin once more. 

"And I want what my mother had: a perfect honeymoon; a perfect love." -Peggy

Parallels to the EC Source Material: 
"Lover Come Hack to Me" was originally published in the EC Comics release The Haunt of Fear #19 (though it was a tale from The Vault of Horror). Whereas most adaptations of the comic book lose something in translation when they make it to HBO, this particularly story is almost scene-for-scene identical with the printed page.

A testament to the first season of Tales (subsequent seasons would make it a point to alter some major details), both character names remained the same as did the story. The only major difference, however, was that Charles was a total innocent during the original publication. It is never implied that he intended to take all of Peggy's money nor does he equip himself with a murder weapon minutes before his own demise. If anything, he's a total patsy to Peggy's (sans Edith) plans.

Horror Alumni Roll Call: 
-Amanda Plummer (Peggy) didn't do much in the way of horror pictures when she landed her most memorable role as Honey Bunny in 1994's Pulp Fiction. She did, however, participate in the 1995 film The Prophecy as well as a Japanese horror production Vampire (2011). She even had a few episode of The Outer Limits under her belt before folks noticed she paid homage to herself as a voice of The Fates in Hercules (1997) and made an appearance in the aptly titled So I Married an Axe Murderer.

-Stephen Shellen (Charles) was in episodes of both The Hitchhiker and Alfred Hitchcock Presents before doing Tales from the Crypt. He manages to struggle with car trouble and murder again in 1988's American Gothic and even had a role in the offbeat horror/comedy Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde.

-Richard Eden (Allen) made numerous appearances on television in the short-lived Freddy's Nightmares spinoff as well as the vampire series Forever Knight and the titular hero for the small-screen RoboCop. He even participated in several direct-to-television movies that have likely aired on SyFy over the years, including Killer Deal and Solar Crisis.

-Michael McDowell (Writer) wrote 11 episodes of the show Tales from the Darkside before his only Crypt contribution. In fact, his horror film credits include Beetlejuice, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Thinner.

-Tom Holland (Director) is also an actor by trade, giving him what may be the longest link list to date on this site. Holland directed three Tales episodes as well as Fright Night (1985), Child's Play, Thinner, The Langoliers, and an episode of Masters of Horror. He added additional writing credits on several of these films, not to mention Psycho II, Scream for Help, and The Beast Within. As an actor, Holland has appeared in Psycho II, The Langoliers, The Stand, and Hatchet II, giving him an easy nod as a Kevin Bacon-esque center of the horror universe.

Number of puns delivered by the Cryptkeeper: Three (though they were as drawn out as possible).

In Summation: Ever the opportunist, Charles' lust for gold proves larger than his lust for, well, lust. No matter what he did, even if he had been wildly in love with Peggy from the start of their relationship, he was destined to be murdered as a sick ritual that the family seems to concoct every generation. This tradition is so powerful, so blinding, and so completely deranged, that it would seem Charles chose his fate from the moments he insincerely professed any form of love or affection. Peggy leaves happier than she had been from the start, now with a baby girl in her tummy and her Aunt back in the saddle as the continued existence of their species (you know, psychotic, axe-wielding temptresses) lives on for the next several years of murder and mutilation. We don't often speak of how perfect marriage can seem in those first couple years, months, or days. For Peggy and Charles, it could only be so for the first couple hours, because nothing was quite as perfect as the brand of love Peggy plans to instill on her child.

Benjamin M. Benya

Episode 4: Only Sin Deep

Episode 4: Only Sin Deep

Original Airdate: June 14, 1989

Written By: Fred Dekker

Directed By: Howard Deutch

Starring: Lea Thompson, Britt Leach, Brett Cullen, Pamela D'Pella

We've talked about greed. We've talked about death. We've event talked about murder. But combining the three is soon to be commonplace for our episode synopsis/reviews, and it all starts with "Only Sin Deep." Just walking the streets at night can be a dangerous enough experience, but for Sylvia Vane (does this count in our pun-o-meter?), it's her job. Vane (Lea Thompson) is a beautiful streetwalker and call girl looking to escape the mundane, filthy streets for a life of luxury.

But coming from street rat routes to upper class royalty isn't the easiest endeavor. After all, Vane is a 21-year-old teetering on the brink of the bourgeois and hasn't given herself too many friends in life, save for her street-walking associate Raven (Pamela D'Pella). She spends most of her time in the mirror perfect her youthful good looks; the only trait that she seemingly is concerned about in life. The proof is in the behavior that she doesn't get it when it comes to what men really want, so she's willing to do anything to find out. 

"What's she got that I ain't got?" -Sylvia Vane

Sooner rather than later, Vane shows her true colors when she picks up a local hood for business. He may identify himself as her business partner, but this pimp is far off the beaten path when she robs him and shoots him to death. A woman of no morals nor inhibitions, she's so hard up for cash that her recent indiscretions don't seem to affect her in the least. Vane is the perfect unlikable, but that fleeting hint of innocence left within the spirit makes her just a girl living in this crazy-mixed-up-world. 

When she takes her deceased boss' valuables to the local pawn shop, the broker in charge (Britt Leach) scoffs at the items and recognizes the means by which she acquired them. He's seemingly uninterested in her lies and her jewelry, but instead admires her beautiful face and offers her a much more displeasing deal. He'll pay her a devilishly large sum of money for something you can't put a price on: her beauty. Vane smacks her gum and gleefully accepts, feeling she makes off like a bandit in the process. But that's only half the story of this moralistic "preachie."

"But I can see you got something that's worth a whole lot more." -Pawnbroker

The idea of selling something that is immeasurable for a large sum of money doesn't just play on the morals and values of high society. It strikes right at the black heart of greed and consumption. The bombastic nature with which an already seedy pawn broker is interested in a woman's "beauty," not necessarily her essence or personality but her mere appearance, is frightfully unsettling. Lea Thompson plays the role of Sylvia Vane so masterfully that you're rooting, almost from minute one, for her to learn her lesson after it's already too late. 

Thompson accepted the role of Vane in the midst of a huge breakthrough of her career, wherein she was recognized for playing various incarnations of Lorraine Baines (or McFly) in the Back to the Future series. After working so heavily with director Robert Zemeckis, it seemed only natural he bring in Thompson to guest star in one of the first episodes of a series that had yet to fully take off. In Back to the Future, Lorraine exhibited tendencies of a wannabe bad girl that was simply to wholesome to be corrupted...lest it be by her own misplaced son's hand. 

That idea is more than just a scratch on the surface in Tales from the Crypt. The Sylvia Vane character is full-blown into the bad girl ideal, sacrificing common sense and basic knowledge for more money, power, and riches than one can imagine. And the idea that she's willing to sacrifice an intangible is even more hungry for extrapolation. If these are the lengths she will go to in order to have security, to what lengths will she assume to get it all back?

"There a people who play with a full deck, then there's you." -Sylvia Vane

In Sylvia's universe, she is the all-knowing and all-powerful center. But this story is much bigger than Sylvia Vane, as is proof when she leaves the pawn broker's store with $10,000 and a new lease on life. He's captured her beauty in a mold of her face, which, in all honesty is just a formality. The backroom of the Pawn Shop contains an awful lot more, including the remains of the broker's wife under heavy preservation. More on that a little later. 

Back on the streets, Sylvia is out to make herself a wealthy trophy wife. All she needs is the right pigeon and the sting can begin. Sure enough, she finds him in the form of Ronnie Price (Brett Cullen), a high-rise yuppie with eyes for our lead character. His early advances do little to wow Sylvia, but it isn't due to lack of interest. She's playing him for all he's worth, and soon, that's exactly what it takes. Ronnie showers Sylvia in the lap of luxury day in and day out. Only trick is, Sylvia notices more and more anomalies on her face that indicate she's aging rapidly. 

"What is this, the makeup counter at Macy's? You're a knockout for Christ's sake, what do you need all this junk for?" -Ronnie Price

Sylvia's attempts to delay the process are all for naught. As Ronnie leaves town on a business trip, Sylvia's on the prowl to figure out what has happened to her. Her visits to the dermatologist render old memories of the Pawn Shop and make her believe (rightfully so) that the broker has something to do with her transformation. When he rebukes her request for a refund of her beauty (the deadline had passed), she begs for him to name a price. $100,000 may seem like a steep bargain, but to Vane, who has yet to learn any of the errors in her ways, she's well on her way there. 

She destroys Ronnie's apartment looking for any cash to cover her debt, but when he returns home, he doesn't recognize the aging crone as his lover and calls the police to report a robbery. She shoots him down and takes what he has left to restore the peace, but finally meets the dilemma to end all dilemmas. The pawn broker accepts her offer but warns before completing the deal that she's wanted for murder...or at least...her young, beautiful face is. Even though he's been using women's beauty for years to preserve his wife as part of a voodoo ritual, he knows Vane can no longer damage that reputation for him. 

Stricken, she escapes with the mold of her face and attempts to piece together her life, until the mold shatters on the ground from a collision with her old (or should I say young) friend Raven. With the mold disassembled, Sylvia Vane sits in the street and mourns for all that she used to have, and all that she used to be. 

"Why don't you watch where you're going, you old, ugly, trifling bitch!" -Raven

Parallels to the EC Source Material: 

"Only Sin Deep" was originally published in the EC release The Haunt of Fear #24, though it was a story from the Vault Keeper's Vault of Horror. The lead's original name was Lorna Vanson, and much like Sylvia Vane, she too was a lady of the evening. Vanson's trip into the Pawn Shop leads to a similar offer (in the 1950's, it was $1000 for her beauty and a whole year on the deadline to return) and more impending doom. 

She picks up a bachelor by the name of Ronnie Altgeld III in the same manner as before and agrees to marry him. When she realizes her face is ravaging itself, she receives the counteroffer of $100,000 from the pawn broker and again, turns to murder. Instead of a gun, Lorna uses a brass statuette to do the job but finds herself in a similar situation, incapable of recapturing her beauty. 

Horror Alumni Roll Call: 

-Lea Thompson (Sylvia Vane) is best known for working with Crypt producer Robert Zemeckis on the aforementioned Back to the Future trilogy. She also made a name for herself in horror and science fiction with lambasted films like Jaws 3-D and Howard the Duck. More recently, she appeared in the theme park attraction short The Haunted Lighthouse written by children's horror author R.L. Stine.

-Britt Leach (Pawnbroker) has appeared in various television series since the 1970's, but his notable horror contributions included 80's pictures Night Warning and Silent Night, Deadly Night. He retired from acting in 1991.

-Brett Cullen (Ronnie Price) is still finding work in various films and television shows with varying role sizes. He was in the original V miniseries as well as an episode of Freddy's Nightmares and Alfred Hitchcock Presents. He even did an episode of The Outer Limits and most recently had a bit part in The Dark Knight Rises. In 1997, he was the star of the independently released horror film The Killing Jar.

-Burke Byrnes (Cop) had roles in Child's Play 3 and Witchboard as an officer of the law as well. He also played a part in the 1979 monster movie, Prophecy.

-Pamela Gordon (Old Crone) made a brief cameo in this episode of Tales, but has a long horror lineage overall. She's been in two sequels in the Subspecies series as well as episodes of The X-Files and the 80's version of The Twilight Zone. Prior to her appearance here, she was also apart of the cast of Poltergeist II: The Other Side.

-Howard Deutch (Director) directed another episode of Tales in season two: "Dead Right." He is probably best known for directing Pretty in Pink but also directed an episode of SyFy's Warehouse 13 in 2012.

-Fred Dekker (Writer) was previously discussed in our analysis of "And All Through the House." He directed 80's classics Night of the Creeps and The Monster Squad. This episode was his second writing credit for Tales from the Crypt. 

Number of puns delivered by the Cryptkeeper: Four (The name of the episode itself, included)

In Summation: In an episode of the television program The Simpsons (aptly titled "Bart Sells His Soul"), the indescribable value of a priceless "object" is examined in perhaps its most notable example. If no one person controls the very fabric and foundation of how they are created and what their personal makeup is, then how can one change so dramatically via the decision to part with such an object? "Only Sin Deep" contributes a stance to the argument that is justifiably disturbing. Once you have given it all up on a whim for the "grass is always greener" conundrum, it becomes completely irrelevant as to whether or not you go back. You've made a conscious decision to do reprehensible damage to your friends, family, and anyone that would get even remotely close to you. And once you've crossed that threshold into another dimension of life, it becomes nigh impossible to undo the process. Sylvia Vane wasn't just a character deserving of an attitude adjustment, she's an example of what can and will happen if that attitude is all-consuming. In Tales from the Crypt, you don't have to have death to be truly satisfied. Sometimes, a simple look at the misery of lost opportunity and rational thought is enough to create that schadenfreude. Better her than me, says the prostitute into her pocket mirror passing by.

-Benjamin M. Benya

Episode 3: Dig That Cat...He's Real Gone

Episode 3: Dig That Cat...He's Real Gone

Original Airdate: June 10, 1989

Written By: Terry Black

Directed By: Richard Donner

Starring: Joe Pantoliano, Robert Wuhl, Kathleen York

Carnivals are innately horrifying. Whether the traveling circus is making its way to the dirt patch in your local town or you're simply passing it by as a roadside attraction, there is nothing quite as unsettling as the purported greatest show on earth. Inside the walls of the big top, carnival barkers the world over will try to win your attention with promises of the eerie, unexplainable, and deranged. But do they outright promise you death and rebirth in the same show? This carnival does. 

Ulric (Joe Pantoliano) is the star attraction of this traveling brigade, promising the greatest performing act in history: his own death, followed by the miracle of resurrection. Billed as Ulric the Undying, the people flock from miles around to see him bite the big one, and they're paying plenty of money, too. In this terrifying stunt, Ulric is to be buried alive for a full 12 hours, thus initiating him into the world of the dead. But when they dig him up, he promises to be alive once more!

"Folks, this is an escape that Houdini himself couldn't have gotten out of!" -Barker

Burning a single candle from the inside of his comfortable coffin, Ulric recants his tale to the audience in a series of flashbacks. For you see, Ulric is more than just a man. He's a genetic mutation; a product of science gone horribly astray. Ulric was a simple, out-of-work, drunken bum who was promised fame and fortune by a mad scientist named Emil Manfred (Gustav Vintas). Manfred's plan, albeit incredibly elaborate, was to implant a gland in Ulric that matched up to that of the common house cat. 

Though seemingly trivial, Dr. Manfred hypothesized that the urban legend about the nine lives of a cat would prove true for humans if the surgery was successful. In short: he could give Ulric nine lives. Everybody got that? Ulric does, in more ways than one. The cat is offed and Ulric receives the incredible regenerative properties, first demonstrated when Manfred shoots him dead as a test of the experiment. 30 seconds later, he's up and walking again, a complete success and an affront to nature.

"But, before you stagger into the nearest bar to slurp down your money, how would you like to make 100 times more...a thousand?" -Dr. Emil Manfred

Richard Donner's directorial prowess can be felt all throughout "Dig That Cat...He's Real Gone." Little touches of gleeful enjoyment are scattered throughout what is, and always will be, a terribly grim tale. The screenplay written by Terry Black only helps to support this cavalcade of the cadaver with bits of humor inserted into each and every death. Combined, the two make death seem like late night television rather than an excruciating experience in torture. 

And that's really what all this should spell. The constant and consistent fashion in which Ulric punishes his own body for the amusement of paying customers takes shock and awe to dizzying new heights whilst only scratching the surface of the carnal desires and catharsis experienced from the viewer's standpoint. Is Ulric some kind of sympathetic martyr for the world to stand behind? Hardly. Remember, he volunteered for this project. 

"That's it. He's deader than a possum on the interstate." -Barker

And so the killing begins. Ulric finds work with a carnival barker (Robert Wuhl) in a circus that will showcase him as the feature attraction. And he dies. And dies. And dies some more. At first by water in a tank, then later via strangulation from a noose. Each stunt becomes more and more elaborate, and with this exploitation, the profits begin to pour in. Ulric becomes attracted to power, money, greed, and even his ditzy assistant Coralee (Kathleen York). Seeing all that green eventually led Ulric down the road to see red as well. 

In an effort to go solo, Ulric runs his car straight into a brick wall with Dr. Manfred as his passenger. Though Ulric wastes a life on such a venture, he's consumed by resurrection once more and back in the game with an even greater share of the gate. Even in his blind gluttony, Ulric constructs clever scams to harness more funds towards his not-so-noble cause. Tickets are sold for his execution via electrocution wherein a member of the audience can pull the switch. Then, charges to fire an arrow straight into his heart stagger up to $1000 per person. You begin to see the veil of murder somehow pulled back in favor of the indulgence of the almighty dollar. 

"But I still have one life left, and this life is gonna pay me plenty." -Ulric

Ulric falls into a comfortable position despite the fact that he's running out of time (and lives). With his increasing fortune, comes imminent betrayal. Coralee most literally stabs him in the back, costing him a precious remaining life as she heads for the hills. Left with only one more performance to retire upon, Ulric demands 100% of the profits from the carnival barker and prepares to bury himself alive. 

Only problem is, Ulric isn't a mathematician. Let's review: Shot in the head as an experimental test, drowned, hanged, injured in a car accident, electrocuted, shot with an arrow in the heart, stabbed in the back. That's seven, with only one to afford before he's on his farewell tour. What he realizes, however, during his deep soliloquy is that the original cat died during the procedure, bringing his calculations through the roof, and his survival through the floor. The single candle burns out and Ulric is left to suffocate with his fortune just outside his grasp. 

"Somebody! I don't have nine lives! Somebody! Let me out!" -Ulric

Parallels to the EC Source Material: "Dig That Cat...He's Real Gone" was originally published in the EC Comics release The Haunt of Fear #21, though it was the Crypt Keeper's contribution to the issue. The idea is almost identical, and even has direct quotes taken from the story and placed into the screenplay. Ulric and Dr. Emil Manfred were present, though the manners in which Ulric is disposed of changed throughout the tale. 

Ulric died by going over Niagara Falls, leaping out of a plane, drowning in burlap sack, and then the same way he went during the show with electrocution and betrayal. Not that this is an all-too-important detail either, but his attendant Coralee was originally written as a man who he did not fall for.

Horror Alumni Roll Call: 

-Joe Pantoliano (Ulric) didn't do much work in the horror genre before his appearance here. Pantoliano scored roles in little-known horror picture The Final Terror and the television series The Hitchhiker before starring in Tales. He would appear in an uncredited role later in the series during the episode "Split Personality," but stuck mostly to action pictures throughout his career, including prominent plays in the Bad Boys franchise and work with director Richard Donner in The Goonies. He even made numerous appearances on latter-day HBO programs like The Sopranos and Arli$$.

-Robert Wuhl (Barker) had a lot on his plate in 1989, appearing in both this episode and Tim Burton's Batman that Summer. Wuhl hardly appeared in any other horror films, save for a one-off in 1993's Sandman. He was, however, the star of HBO's Arli$$, pairing him up again with Joe Pantoliano.

-Kathleen York (Coralee) appeared in mostly comedies before she starred in Sam Raimi's Darkman alongside previously mentioned Larry Drake. She kept mostly to television, featured most prominently in the NBC drama The West Wing.

-Gustav Vintas (Dr. Emil Manfred) actually got his start in the original science fiction television series V. His other horror credits included horror-comedy The Creature of Sunny Side Up Trailer Park and Vampire at Midnight. 

-Michael Bower (Junior) has appeared in over a dozen different television shows over his career including The X-Files. But none more prominently feature Bower than Salute Your Shorts as the character Donkeylips. He was also one of the kids in 1990 horror-comedy mash-up The Willies.

-Rick Zumwalt (Workman #1) was the kind of actor who could receive roles based solely on his appearance. See one episode of the made-for-television spinoff Freddy's Nightmares and Tim Burton's Batman Returns.

-Richard Donner (Director) had an amazing directorial career before taking the helm for three Tales episodes. In the early sixties, Donner directed a handful of episodes of The Twilight Zone before giving the world The Omen in 1976. He then cranked out Superman, Superman II (originally uncredited), and the Lethal Weapon franchise whilst also creating cult-classic The Goonies.

-Terry Black (Writer) wrote six Crypt-related episodes in total (three for HBO, and three for Tales from the Cryptkeeper) after giving the world the black horror-comedy Dead Heat.

Number of puns delivered by the Cryptkeeper: Three, all of which are strung together in the final moments of an otherwise straightforward series of Cryptkeeper scenes.

In Summation: In the end, nobody is a winner when greed gets in the way of good fun. The carnival barker will be left to answer questions about his accidental homicide (or manslaughter at the least) and babes like Coralee will eventually have to answer the call of depleting funds on the run. Isn't that the way it should be? Moralistically, the two parties that willingly and knowingly tampered with nature and science found themselves victims not of a cruel irony but rather their own dysfunction. Had they simply shared the spotlight as the team, maybe they could've avoided such a calamity. If we live in a world where everyone eventually dies, then why tamper with those dynamics to experience it again and again for the sadistic public or the reckless investor? Absolutely no one will feel sorry for you if they have to bury your corpse alongside the piles of money you swindled in your endeavor. 

Benjamin M. Benya

Episode 2: And All Through the House

Episode 2: And All Through the House

Original Airdate: June 10, 1989

Written By: Fred Dekker

Directed By: Robert Zemeckis

Starring: Mary Ellen Trainor, Larry Drake, Marshall Bell

Is there any time of year quite like the holidays? Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, your wife murdering you with an fire poker. It really gets you all warm and toasty, doesn't it? 

The second episode of Tales from the Crypt is easily one of the most iconic, and not just because of the all-star team putting it together. Truth of the matter is, "And All Through the House" is a wonderful tale of struggle, revenge, murder, and ironic betrayal. As expected, the story starts with a husband and wife solving their marriage troubles in a most peculiar fashion: the wife Elizabeth (Marry Ellen Trainor) murders her husband Joseph (Marshall Bell) with a swift swing from a fire poker to the brain.

"What are you, deaf? I said let me have it!" -Joseph

Why waste time, mincing words when you can jump straight into the action? Truth of the matter is that Elizabeth murdering Joseph is part of a more elaborate plan to collect on his money with her affair. More on that later. As Elizabeth removes the fire poker, her daughter Carrie prances downstairs and precociously asks what is going on? Elizabeth disguises the poker and the murder, tucks Carrie back into her bed, and smugly makes her way back downstairs. 

In a warm, well-lit cabin during a fantastic snow storm in what is, seemingly, the middle of nowhere, Elizabeth calls her lover and informs him of Joseph's predicament whilst holding his Last Will and Testament. Quickly and not-so-quietly, Elizabeth drags Joseph's body out into the freezing cold and dumps it into a nearby well. But of course, there is a twist coming in the form of an escaped mental patient (Larry Drake) from the Pleasantville Mental Institution just up the road. And to make it even better, he's wearing a Santa Claus costume he stole after murdering a different victim. 

"How about a nice, cold plunge, Joseph?" -Elizabeth

"And All Through the House" may have been the second episode in the Tales production run, but it was actually the pilot for the entire series. In 1972, Amicus Productions out of Great Britain tackled the story as part of its Tales from the Crypt feature length film. It had grown, over the years, to be one of the most identifiable stories of terror that EC Comics ever published. When the producers approached HBO with their new proposal for Tales, it would be Robert Zemeckis who would take the helm for this episode. 

Zemeckis loved the idea from start to finish and had fellow horror fiend Fred Dekker pen the screenplay for an episode that would set the tone for the kind of raw chills and thrills Tales from the Crypt could provide viewers. And they did it well. Even actress Mary Ellen Trainor was on top of her game, unleashing dozens of blood-curdling screams while Larry Drake chases her around as a giggling, axe-wielding psychopath. 

While many EC stories published were known as "preachies," in which characters would do something immoral and eventually meet their maker in a most fitting or ironic fashion, "And All Through the House" took the route of pure horror with a whimsical romp into desperation. Elizabeth's battle towards happiness is filled with bumps, bruises, cuts, at least one or more near-misses. She's the good guy in a story that, in all honest, has no good guys to cheer for. 

It isn't necessarily prophetic that Elizabeth's murder of her husband is sloppy, nor is the paper trail she's leaving by calling her lover or even attempting to fight off the crazed Santa. It is simply the tale of what is awfully likely to be her last moments of sanity on the planet.

"Operator, operator get me the police! You've got to help me! You've got to help me! He's here...my location is..." -Elizabeth

Elizabeth's attempts to call the police about the maniac attacking her are not met with deaf ears. Quite the contrary, in fact, as the authorities begin to contact her after she doesn't respond to her initial call. In between various attempts to break into the cabin from the evil Santa Claus, Elizabeth continues to receive phone calls and finally cracks. She answers to the call of Sgt. Feldstein (A nod to famed EC Comics producer Al Feldstein) who alerts her that the police are on the way inspect the area. 

Only problem is, in case you forgot, Elizabeth murdered Joseph and his dead body remains on the front lawn whilst the insane lunatic roams free round the house. As Elizabeth quickly formulates a plan for how to frame the escapee with the death of her husband, she completely forgets about her daughter Carrie's constant cries to see Santa this very evening. What started as a struggle for her own survival has now turned into a rampage towards protection as Elizabeth foolishly locks herself out of her home and scrambles towards Carrie's window in hopes that the madman hasn't gotten to her. 

"Oh no, officer. I didn't kill him. Santa did it!" -Elizabeth 

Her mad panic towards self-defense, a gun left in the closet, sees two of her greatest fears realized. Not only does she manage to lock herself in the closet, but she watches anxiously as her awakened daughter Carrie invites "Santa" into her bedroom. The juvenile glee Carrie takes in inviting him in seems to completely disregard the scars on his face or the axe in his hands. All she sees is Santa, and the embodiment of happiness for the holidays. 

When Elizabeth breaks free, she dashes to her daughter's room only to find...nothing. A momentary calm is overwhelmed by widespread terror when Carrie presents Santa at the bottom of the staircase, holding his hand with a smile oblivious to the fate her mother is about to sustain. 

"And he didn't even have to come down the chimney. I let him in!" -Carrie

Parallels to the EC Source Material: 

"And All Through the House" was originally published in the EC Comics release The Vault of Horror #35 (24th issue overall). The story is adapted almost scene for scene to the television series, with Joseph's death and a great deal of the paranoia Elizabeth feels explored during the story. In fact, the frantic pace at which Elizabeth (who has no name during the comic version) attempts to protect her home and her daughter leaves her with less options for Joseph than the TV story had done. 

In fact, we don't even see the psycho-Santa until the final few panels of the story, wherein it becomes painfully obvious as to the destiny of Elizabeth in the story. William M. Gaines, the creator and original publisher of EC's line of horror comics, served as an on-set adviser during the television production of this episode. At Gaines' request, Zemeckis finished the episode with actress Mary Ellen Trainor screaming repeatedly into the dark of the night.

Parallels to the 1972 Amicus Film:

The story presented in Tales from the Crypt (1972) is, again, almost identical in every way to the original comic book and the 1989 HBO episode. Differences, though miniscule, include the lead character's name being Joanne and her fate being death by strangulation from the deranged Santa Claus. It would be the only of the three endings that conclusively killed off the lead character.

Horror Alumni Roll Call: 

-Mary Ellen Trainor (Elizabeth) played various moms in both television and film throughout the decades, taking on roles in various pictures directed by Robert Zemeckis himself. She had a small role in the minor, black-horror/comedy Death Becomes Her, as well as the horror/comedy The Monster Squad, written and directed by Fred Dekker.

-Larry Drake (Santa Claus) was a character actor for most of his career before switching to voice acting in his more recent roles. Drake played Robert G. Durant in Sam Raimi's Darkman franchise and even dabbled in science fiction in episodes of Star Trek: Voyager and The Outer Limits (1995). He even appeared in a second Tales from the Crypt episode titled "The Secret."

-Marshall Bell (Joseph) is known for his roles in science fiction cult classics Starship Troopers and Total Recall (1990). Bell, probably the most accomplished actor in this list, also appeared in another Tales episode, "Forever Ambergris," in 1993 and was Coach Schneider during A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge. 

-Lindsey Whitney Barry (Carrie) only ever acted in two other films, one of which was Robert Zemeckis' Back to the Future Part II as one of the hoverboard girls during Marty McFly's Cafe 80's escape.

-Robert Zemeckis (Director) has long made a living off of the horror and science fiction genres. Aside from directing the Back to the Future trilogy, Zemeckis directed two other Tales episodes, "Yellow" and "You, Murderer." He directed the thriller What Lies Beneath and served as executive producer on Peter Jackson's The Frighteners, which was written initially to be a Tales from the Crypt episode. He also wrote the original story for the second Tales movie, Bordello of Blood. Zemeckis is also a co-founder of Dark Castle Entertainment, where he served as a producer for such films as House on Haunted Hill (1999), Thir13en Ghosts, Ghost Ship, House of Wax (2005), and The Reaping.

-Fred Dekker (Writer) is a horror movie icon thanks to B-Movie classics The Monster Squad and Night of the Creeps, both of which he wrote and directed. Dekker was always more of a writer than a director, taking on screenplays on four other Tales from the Crypt episodes as well as producing credits for consultation on Star Trek: Enterprise.

Number of puns delivered by the Cryptkeeper: 5 (including a terrible starter about being Santa, and a conclusion involving the word "axe.")

In Summation: What more can be said about a pitch-perfect pilot for a budding young television series? There are reasons, only so obvious and only so many, as to why the source material underwent sparse revisions for it's numerous adaptations. "And All Through the House" is chilling, riveting programming that combines elements of drama and suspense with all-out psychological horror. To an adult, the idea of an raving lunatic is enough to have you shaking in your boots, but dress him up like Santa Claus, and a child's eyes see no transparency. A child see her murdered stepfather and thinks he's sleeping. A child sees her mother struggling and thinks it's all a game. And a child sees Santa Claus approaching the door and lets him in, with or without a bloody axe in hand. 

-Benjamin M. Benya

Episode 1: The Man Who Was Death

Episode 1: The Man Who Was Death

Original Airdate: June 10, 1989
Written By: Walter Hill, Robert Reneau
Directed By: Walter Hill
Starring: William Sadler, Roy Brocksmith

Meet Niles Talbot. He's an incredibly mild-mannered, self-reflective advocate of the Death Penalty. And, outside of the Cryptkeeper, he's likely the perfect exhibit of a character representation for Tales from the Crypt.

In the very first episode of Tales from the Crypt, William Sadler stars as Talbot, a character of little sophistication who borders neither protagonist nor antagonist waters. He doesn't have any ties or convictions, friends nor family, yet he's a sympathetically vigilant character. In fact, it is his vigilance that makes this first episode such a wonderful demonstration of Crypt content. And it makes this first review all the better to soak up.

The story starts with Talbot discussing his next victim, Charley Ledbetter, who has been sentenced to immediate execution at the hands of the electric chair. Ledbetter cries and pleads for remission, going as far as to claim that the governor will call for him. But Talbot remains unmoved. Talbot is the titular character, working his job in the prison system as an executioner. A 12-year veteran, Talbot was brought up to love the electric chair in one of the simplest, most one-dimensional ways imaginable.

"I like electricity. It's dependable. You can trust it." -Niles Talbot

Such simplistic, one-sided appeal leaves little to the imagination about Talbot. As best we can tell, he goes through everyday just the same, flipping the switch on one side, and mercilessly recanting his tales of pleasure from pain to any audience with an ear. For Niles Talbot, however, things are changing rapidly. Just hours after the execution of Ledbetter, the state announced a repeal on the death penalty, putting Niles out of a job.

As he's let go, he's informed that the prison system has nothing for him and would prefer to keep him distanced from the inmates he knew. He makes sense of his predicament, but only as some soluble justification. In truth, Niles is devastated by the loss of the one thing he thought he did well.

"This ain't the kind of work they give you a gold watch for, is it?" -Niles Talbot

Tales From the Crypt was created and executive produced by five visionaries of the motion picture industry during the late 80's. Richard Donner, David Giler, Walter Hill, Joel Silver, and Robert Zemeckis, each with great background in horror and science fiction, came together on this incredible collaborative effort for HBO. The horror anthology show was nigh untouchable.

The Twilight Zone had long held the torch for greatest in a field that included few other contenders. Rod Serling's work, his lifework in the Zone, paved the way for hundreds like him in the decades that followed. So taking source material, like critically infamous 1950's EC Comics, and adopting their ironic and satirical motifs into the new age was a massive undertaking. What followed was the seven seasons of terror that crept quietly through the night during the breakout age of Home Box Office.

And "The Man Who Was Death" started it all. During the embryonic first season, the five producers stepped in to secure six episodes of absolute joy. Walter Hill was in charge of both directing and writing duties on this one, and his fingerprints are visible all throughout the black light bulbs. Hill had previously contributed to (and been perhaps most notable for) the adapted screenplay of The Warriors. So telling another story on the streets with morally righteous characters who tread the surface of good and evil wasn't all that difficult. Enter Niles Talbot, a character who so embodies those basic ideals. Now back to the story.

In one of the more significant court cases following the ban, James Flood walks despite being confirmed as a murderer. With no penalties in place and no justice to be had, Talbot enters and uses an almost Batman-esque objective to make Flood pay. Talbot waits, and, with a few simply placed charges of good ol' electricity, murders Flood by shocking him to death.

"Sure there's a God. No doubt about it. Problem is he spends too much time making assholes like that biker." -Niles Talbot

As Talbot celebrates with drinks around his sympathetic bartender Vic (played by Roy Brocksmith), more crimes throughout the city go unpunished. Theodore Carne (Gerrit Graham) and Cynthia Baldwin are the next victims for conspiring to murder Carne's former wife. Talbot's murders are becoming more barbaric, as this time, he traps them in a hot tub with his friend the circuit.

The beauty of this episode lies in the continued struggle of Talbot's appeasement. For every life he takes, he feels no greater knowledge nor being. He's simply a man doing his job as he's been trained to do. But without the shackles of selection or even the slightest hint of a sympathetic conscience, he's slipping further into madness. From what was once a righteous crusade into the world of vigilante justice, Talbot is now spending his evenings in a strip club where he decides to take the life of a go-go dancer in a cage.

It's a setup, however, as Niles is captured and arrested after evidence links him back to the three previous murders. He's a man of God, of this there is no doubt, but God doesn't seem to take jurisdiction when Talbot is forced on the other side of the judicial system. Upon his incarceration, Talbot finds out that Capital Punishment has been reinstated and he'll be the next victim of its wicked ways.

As he's dragged, inch by inch, to his inevitable conclusion, Talbot screams at the top of his lungs that the governor will call for his pardon. Just like Ledbetter had done earlier. In the end, Niles bemoans that he still hasn't done anything wrong, but that justification is only temporary as a new state appointed executioner throws the switch.

"If a man ain't good at his job, then what the hell is he good for?" -Niles Talbot

Parallels to the EC Source Material:
"The Man Who Was Death" was originally published in the first EC Comics release of The Crypt of Terror (later Tales From the Crypt). In this version, we follow Edgar Bowman on the same basic journey from executioner to acute madman. Bowman's personality is less of a simple man doing God's work to a more cynical, "eye for an eye" kind of rogue. Bowman is also much more adaptable to different kinds of Capital Punishment, including both hanging and the gas chamber.

Bowman even goes as far as attempting to top himself following each of his vigilante murders, until he's finally captured attempting to murder a woman named Betty Bates. As he's hauled off to his own execution, he finally expresses the same kind of fear his previous victims had about mortality. Overall, however, the story is much less sympathetic towards the lead.

Horror Alumni Roll Call:
-William Sadler (Niles Talbot) appeared in Tales From the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight, the first HBO-based Tales movie in 1995. He would also go on to play the role of the Grim Reaper (Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey) in a cameo appearance during the later Tales episode, "The Assassin." He reappeared in the same skit for the intro of Tales From the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood, but this time, he portrayed a mummy. He was even the Cryptkeeper-archetype Mr. Rush in the EC Comics/TFTC spinoff, Two Fisted Tales. Sadler's latest horror works include the adaptation of Stephen King's novel The Mist, one of numerous collaborations he's been on with director Frank Darabont (including Two Fisted Tales).

-Roy Brocksmith (Vic) stuck mostly to the satirical and Sci-Fi side of acting, appearing in both Arachanophobia and, in perhaps his most notable role, as a lab technician alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger in Total Recall. He also did episodes of Star Trek, Red Dwarf, and the children's anthology program, Eerie, Indiana before his death in 2001.

-Gerrit Graham (Theodore Carne) is best known for his role as the paranoid sidekick to Kurt Russell in Used Cars. Graham also played parts in B-grade horror films Demon Seed and Chopping Mall. But, in 1990, Graham played Phil Simpson in Child's Play 2, a foster parent to lead character Andy Barclay. He was murdered after Chucky tripped him down the stairs towards the basement.

-Dani Minnick (Cynthia Baldwin) made a career, albeit brief, out of television roles. In mainstream cinema, however, she appeared in terrible films like The Sleeping Car and From the Dead of Night, the latter of which featured fellow Crypt-alum Bruce Boxleitner.

-Walter Hill (Director, Writer) has been out of the horror business for sometime, instead helping to produce parts of one of the most thrilling science-fiction franchises of all time. He helped write Aliens, Alien 3, and is working currently on the sequel to Prometheus. As previously mentioned, Hill was also an advocate of action pictures, directing both installments of 48 Hours and The Warriors.

Number of puns delivered by the Cryptkeeper: 4 (The worst of which happens at the end of the episode).

In Summation: Hill's delivery of this simple tale, about a simple man doing simply cathartic things that he feels are morally and contractually unambiguous, can leave one feeling quite contemplative. At the end of the day, the cruel irony that befalls Niles Talbot isn't unlike that of anyone masquerading as the Angel of Death. No man is their own maker; a fact they may not understand until the meeting with said maker takes place. And by that time, the governor's call wouldn't even be enough to save you.

-Benjamin M. Benya